Yo-yo

My mind is up, my spirit’s down, My brain is really going to town. I’m fighting feelings, to refrain from moonlighting, falling back again, to a night-time shift that I dread. Working through thoughts stalking my head, trying to will myself out of this gloom. Clock ticking, laying in my head-room, hours drag on, darkness

Impact of Covid (1)

Covid may have served to become Something that’s changed us far beyond The changes I recognise my self Not just less choice on the supermarket shelf Less high street, more local, Neighbours more focal, Everyone more vocal. Dialling, hoping someone’s home Drawn out chatting on the phone, So as not to feel alone. Our children

Covid blues

Covid, no-vid, feeling low vid Nowhere to go vid Missing friends, the chance to meet Just brief encounters on the street Never realised I’d miss so much A hug from mum, a simple touch Face masks, masking our pain Loneliness, tasking our brains Depressed, I need some direction But everyone’s scared of infection Anxiety gnaws

Left out

My other kids have had to cope Witness me almost give up hope Take back seats in my attention Though it’s never my intention Her actions often supersede Them, in their times of need. They watch me trying to refrain From falling too far down again They’ve seen that once before When I couldn’t go

Life less

My daughter won’t pick up the phone I worry, aware that she’s alone. That’s one of her worst fears Told to me often over the years Is she OK? I’m on my way Going, not knowing what I’ll find Anxious about her state of mind Replaying shouts of ‘I want to die’ Hoping she’s still

ASD Teenager in ‘care’

This is not the person you promised to save, This is not how she used to behave. ‘There’s no funding’ you say, but with an attitude Everyone thinking she’s just being rude I know she’s the product of her ASD and what you’ve put her through 17 placements in a few years simply won’t do.

Sapped

Like Flat Stanley, I crawl to the door. Dragging myself on the laminate floor… Got no energy, got no life you see No mojo any more. I need a reason to go on A place I feel that I belong No guilt or worry, nothing wrong. Too much to hope for?

Out of control

6 years ago I lost parts of my self From my heart, torn apart The cracks were showing before then, But I’d no way of knowing what, when 13 nights in a row, worrying, waiting Repeating her description, anticipating The worst 3 to shield, like sheep in a field, Counting them in at night Protected,

Antidepressants?

It cheats my kids of their mum, When my mind goes on the run Wondering what may become, I take pills and end up numb Do they stop me from myself? Keep me from hurting someone else? Do they improve my mental health? Should I leave them on the shelf? Scared to try, I can’t

Dr Suess, I’ve become a recluse

Do I like green eggs and ham? I can’t remember who I am… I used to be so full of me, but now I’m almost empty. My train of thought… My brain got caught, off guard, you see. Sometimes, it’s hard to find a reason to be me