Life less

My daughter won’t pick up the phone I worry, aware that she’s alone. That’s one of her worst fears Told to me often over the years Is she OK? I’m on my way Going, not knowing what I’ll find Anxious about her state of mind Replaying shouts of ‘I want to die’ Hoping she’s still

ASD Teenager in ‘care’

This is not the person you promised to save, This is not how she used to behave. ‘There’s no funding’ you say, but with an attitude Everyone thinking she’s just being rude I know she’s the product of her ASD and what you’ve put her through 17 placements in a few years simply won’t do.

Suicidal thoughts

I’m gonna wash these thoughts right out of my hair, Or maybe just sit in my underwear But sneakily they take hold Suddenly I’m cold Put on my pjs and go back to bed If they’re going to take over and mess with my head Haven’t showered for a week, it’s not a big deal

Sapped

Like Flat Stanley, I crawl to the door. Dragging myself on the laminate floor… Got no energy, got no life you see No mojo any more. I need a reason to go on A place I feel that I belong No guilt or worry, nothing wrong. Too much to hope for?

A call

Sometimes it’s a late-night call, The paramedics, a hole in my wall, My toilet broken, water everywhere My daughter shouting, she doesn’t care. Call the police I need some help, Now she’s trying to hurt herself. Arrested. Now I turn to address the aftermath, crying I clear the mess. Numb whilst reassuring my son “We’ll

Out of control

6 years ago I lost parts of my self From my heart, torn apart The cracks were showing before then, But I’d no way of knowing what, when 13 nights in a row, worrying, waiting Repeating her description, anticipating The worst 3 to shield, like sheep in a field, Counting them in at night Protected,

Antidepressants?

It cheats my kids of their mum, When my mind goes on the run Wondering what may become, I take pills and end up numb Do they stop me from myself? Keep me from hurting someone else? Do they improve my mental health? Should I leave them on the shelf? Scared to try, I can’t

Duvet day

Thoughts, thoughts go away, Come back again another day, Another day I may be able to deal with what’s heaped on my table Another day I might cope Another day I may have hope But right now, I need to stay Alive and push my thoughts away. For now, I’ll hole up in my bed

I love these toes

I love these toes, I love her nose and all that’s in between But it’s hard to keep sight of the girl she could have been Her life fermented, tormented, could’ve been prevented, So much heartache stays unseen

Dr Suess, I’ve become a recluse

Do I like green eggs and ham? I can’t remember who I am… I used to be so full of me, but now I’m almost empty. My train of thought… My brain got caught, off guard, you see. Sometimes, it’s hard to find a reason to be me